Feeling secure . . . feeling loved. As I steadily walk further away from that pit of depression and anxiety, I need mega doses of the security, love and peace God promises in Psalm 91.

            “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely and in Him I [confidently] trust.” (Psalm 91:1-2, Amplified Classic)

            Stable and fixed. “Hmm, stable and fixed” I pondered as I read.  Hmm . . . notice the chain of thought in Psalm 91. The priceless promises of provision and safety are conditional. Verses 3 and 4 say then God will deliver us, then He will cover us. Verse 9 says because we make God our refuge and make Him our dwelling place, or our home, and verse 14 says because we set our love upon Him. Please study Psalm 91 for yourself in the Amplified Classic Version (available free on line at Bible Gateway and other websites) or another translation of the Bible – but study!

I recently told my counselor that, although the medicine has greatly helped, the biggest reason I am so much better is time in the Word and meditating on it throughout the day. Each morning, I study the Bible—for myself!–for help in areas like finding peace, feeling God’s love, and overcoming fear. In studying the Word and pondering it all day, I am making God my home, the place where I am secure and the place where my needs are met.

Study for yourself. And I am going directly to the Word now and trusting Holy Spirit to speak to me, rather than relying on other people’s teachings. 

I read slowly, using the Amplified Version, and talk to the Lord about it. I look up cross references, and most days I write a passage in long-hand and carry that around with me all day, repeating the phrases to myself. This has now, praise God, become a habit. Out of His mercy and goodness, God is renewing my mind (Ephesians 4:23) I am so grateful to Him!

I always read the Bible and studied it, but for a while I lost the self discipline to study it. I also lost the self-discipline to do much reading outside the Psalms. No wonder my spirit became so weak and my mind such easy prey for the enemy’s thought arrows! 

Having the Word in my mind all day is one way God is showing Himself to be that “ever present help in time of trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

Obedience brings blessing. I am finding as I continue writing, that God has some definite things He wants me to say to you, including sharing my failures and sins. (James 5:16) Being so vulnerable is challenging, but I want to help you and . . . I want to stay free!

Four a.m. ideas. Two hours before the tinkly melody of my phone alarm would sound. I lay awake, like a child on Christmas morning, thinking about the afternoon ahead with my grandsons. After pickup from school, I would bring my five-and-a- half and seven-year-old delights back to my home for a comic party, their latest creative idea for which they had prepared all week at their own home. They did not know I had planned two games of my own invention and decorated my tiny home with balloons and streamers.

            Though my hip and feet ached a bit, I smiled as I pulled the quilt to my chin. Then, a gentle thought: “You are happy now because you are “thinking on good things”

            “Thank You, Lord, yes, Phillipians 4!”

            For the preceding many months of depression, early morning awakening had meant hours of lying sleepless in the dark, my sluggish mind tormented by cycling fears and fretting. Daily, this has improved.

            Prompt obedience. I smiled into the darkness. “Thank You, Father, thank You so so much!” I took my mussed hair, unwashed face and uncoffeed mind straight to the computer, stopping only to feed my beloved Barny cat.

            My loving Heavenly Father was, again, guiding with tender pats on my head. I recognized an idea for a blog post when I had one! He had awakened me yesterday with an idea, too, but I had begun my morning routine before I sat down to type. And the post had not been written. However, God is rich in grace and mercy, so . . .

Yesterday’s pondering passage had been I Corinthians 8:3: “But if one loves God truly [with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing] he is known by God [recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love and is owned by Him.] Notice the verse says prompt obedience. . . And my Bible reading last night had included Genesis 18, where Abraham had RUN to show hospitality when the Lord appeared to him.

            The word of God is alive (Hebrews 4:12) and it had borne fruit in my spirit. This morning, I promptly obeyed God.

            Trust . . . and God will be with you! My life verse is Proverbs 3:5-6. After 37 years of walking with my beloved Father, I am understanding, a little. The previous day at work had included many moments of struggle with insecurity, but I had consistently—by His great grace—pondered I Corinthians 8:3 and tried to do every little task for Him and in His presence. And when I came home, I had prayerfully worked a bit more on blogging tasks, all the while still not feeling so good.

            When your ways please the Lord. God is blessing as I try to write for Him and His kingdom’s sake, with: wakeup calls via blog post ideas; the renewal of my mind; and a more balanced, connected life. “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies live at peace with him.” (Proverbs 16:7, New American Standard Bible.)

            I am faaaar from perfect, dear  friend, but God is rewarding my baby steps to serve Him. He longs, earnestly, to do the same for you!