A personal note: I often do my journaling with the Lord on the computer because it is faster. That is what I did first thing on the morning I wrote this little blog post, even before having devotions. This is exactly what I prayed, except that I added headings, to make it easier to read, and the Scripture references. I pondered whether to post it, for several reasons. Finally, I decided it might help someone else find the comfort with which God has comforted me so often.
“ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement),
4 Who comforts (consoles and encourages) us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we ourselves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, AMPC, emphasis added)
Please, dear one, tell your heart that wherever you go, whatever you do God is right there with you and in you if you love and follow Him as your Lord and Savior. “8 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28, NLT)
There is no hurt God cannot heal. It often takes much time and waiting, but He is always faithful. He will be a very present help in your time of trouble (Psalm 46:1). He will be close to You (Psalm 34:18). Just look for Him. Just expect Him.
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In the morning quiet. It hurts so bad, Father, I don’t know what to do. I’m trying. I’m doing everything I know I am supposed to but it still hurts, this ache inside, this emotional pain that seems to just reach out from inside and pull me down. It is too heavy, Father. I cannot bear it. I cannot endure it and I cannot lift it. It is overwhelming. But I am trying, Lord, I am trying and I know that is all only because of Your grace, only because it is You working in me, giving me strength to try, to just keep pressing on and pressing in (Philippians 2:13).
Yes, pressing on and moving forward with the tasks of daily life that must be done and pressing in, leaning hard on You and into You, just like I would lean on someone if I had just hurt my ankle so bad that it could not bear any weight.
I know You never, no never, no never fail, Lord (Hebrews 13:5b, AMPC). I know that You always make everything work out for the good of those who love you and are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28) I know I must choose joy, Father, in the middle of this pain. I know that deliverance will come, however You choose to do that. And I will choose joy, just like You have enabled me to do so very many times in the past, when other sorrows and disappointments and hurts have come (Habakkuk 3:17-19, AMPC)
But, my dearest One, right now, in the quiet dimness of early morning, while the birds are waking up, while the sun has not yet moved above the horizon and while soft music plays, I need to hear Your voice, Father.
Thank You so very, very much my beloved One that You have put so much of the Word in my heart. Thank You that I know Your Word says You are close to the broken-hearted and that You save those who are crushed in spirit. I know Psalm 34:17 that says, “When the righteous cry [for help], the Lord hears and rescues them from all their distress and troubles.”
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In the silence. I know that, Lord, but right now I just need to sit here with You and listen to the music and enjoy how beautiful the leaves of the trees are in the dimness, how it somehow feels like the subdued light envelopes me, surrounds me tenderly. The quiet, the silence itself, feels like a companion, like someone or something real, something with a life of its own almost. That must be You, Lord.
Father, are You somehow right there in that very silence, in the beauty of the dawn-dark trees somehow in the same way that it is part of Your very self that I feel in music? Is part of Your very own self in beauty? In nature? And in the words and smiles and hugs of loving friends that You send to me? And in the devotionals and other writings that have so deeply touched my soul in this time?
Are You there, Father, You Yourself, in those writings, in a similar way as You Yourself are there, in Your Word?
I have no words, Lord. I can’t talk out loud, Lord. I can’t get the thoughts into words. I can whisper and pray in tongues and that helps. Thank You for that. But every time I try to talk about it with You, the tears just overflow. It all hurts too bad to say in words, but I know, I do know, Lord, that You hear my every thought. I know that You are in my heart, in my mind (Psalm 139:4).
I love that proverb You showed me so many years ago, in one of the times when I was so depressed, the one that says something “Like he who pours vinegar on soda or takes away a garment on a cold day is he who sings song to a heavy heart.” (Proverbs 25:20). I remember reading that and realizing that You were telling me You understood that when our heart is heavy sometimes we just cannot be cheerful and that sometimes if people try to cheer us up it actually makes us agitated. Somehow the slowed inner pace, the dulled responses we have in sorrow are a protection around our heart, just like a coat on a cold day protects our body.
I know, Lord, You tell us to encourage each other and pick up the one who has fallen but You also say to weep with those who weep as well as rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). Thank You, Lord, for friends who are weeping with me. Bless them richly, Lord, for their compassion and their love.
I found that proverb many, many years ago now, in one of the times of depression before I had learned to meditate on Your Word and Your Word had healed my heart. Thank You again for that healing, that deliverance Lord. But this time, this sorrow, this has not come from letting my thoughts run loose and stay stuck on negative things. This sorrow has come from outside circumstances over which I had no control.
Thank You, Lord, that I know You will work it out for good, that You will work deliverance in this situation, and that no weapon that the enemy tries against me will succeed, not even this though it feels like it (Isaiah 54:17).
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I know that feelings come and feelings go but Your Word endures forever (1 Peter 1:25). I know You will continue helping me fix my eye, and my heart, on things above, on unseen things, on the eternal things (Colossians 3). I know You will help me keep being busy with things of Your kingdom. You will help me fulfill my obligations at church, You will help me reach out on Your behalf to those You put in my daily path, You will help me keep on with our writing for Kingdom purposes, and You will keep speaking to me through Your Word as we study.
You know I am trying, with all my heart. So, my dearest One, I know that You understand I am trying with all my heart to trust You, to wait with hope and expectation, to honor You with my trust, like that favorite passage of mine in Lamentations 3 (Lamentations 3:19-26, AMPC). I am trying with my last bit of strength to choose to trust You and be faithful in everything I do to honor You. I do not want to be like the Israelites in the desert who doubted You and complained and who refused to believe You (Psalm 106:7, 13, and 32). I know that greatly angered You so much that You swore they would never enter Your rest because of their doubt and disbelief (Hebrews 3:7-19).
Please help me keep my heart soft toward You, Lord. I understand, from Your Word, Your immeasurable love for us and Your mercy and lovingkindness and also Your absolute power over all that is. Thank You so much, Lord, for all those rescue stories in the Bible and for telling us so clearly and repeatedly how much You love us and how much You long for us to have an abundant life with You on this earth (John 10:10) before You take us home to be with You eternally in heaven.
Thank You, Lord Jesus, for leading me to meditate on John 16:33 in the AMPC until I had it memorized. It is such a comfort to know that in the upper room You lovingly reassured Your disciples, after You had given them Your last discourse:
33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]
I will choose to believe. So I will, Father, when we get up from here and start the day, I will keep Your Words in my mind. I will meditate on Your Word as we go along with the day and I know You will some miraculous way give me new and living hope as I try with all my heart and strength to please You with the attitude of my heart.
But right now, Lord, the tears keep coming. Maybe they were stored up all the months I have been trying to hold fast to You and stand strong. I guess I have not actually cried that much since this started, all things considered.
Thank You, Father, for Lily bugs, my sweet, sweet little cat. She is so gentle and in her catly way, so loving as she follows me from desk to chair to bedroom and back.
Thank You, Lord, that my little home is so quiet even though city traffic zips by within thirty yards on two sides. Thank you for the trees right outside the windows by my desk and the rocker. When I look into their branches it makes me feel like I am in a big meadow or forest, alone with You, safe and sheltered.
Only You can understand. There is no one to talk to, Lord, no one who understands, no one but You. Your Word says every heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can share its grief (Proverbs 14:10). How true I am finding that verse to be. Thank You, Jesus, for showing that to me so long ago. Thank You that it has been a distinct and personal comfort for so many years.
Yet, Your Word also says who can know the thoughts of a man except the spirit that is within him and that in the same way no one can know the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God (1 Corinthians 2:11). Well, Father, I know that Your Holy Spirit is within me so You do understand and You understand even better than I do what I am feeling.
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Thank You, my precious Father, so much for Psalm 103. Those verses where You say Your love for us is as high as the heavens are above the earth and that Your compassion for us is like the compassion a father has for his children because You earnestly remember and imprint on Your heart that we are just dust, just human . . . Lord, every time I meditate on those verses I see a strong father tenderly carrying his small, tired children close in his arms. Thank You for the reassurance and peace which that mental image brings.
Reminded to be grateful. And thank You, Father, for reminding me last night as I was about to fall asleep to be actively grateful today. Thank You for making the thought so strong that I got up and wrote myself a note.
There are so, so many blessings in my life, Father, right in the middle of this. You are doing so many things to take care of all my needs. Even before I know about them You have prepared for them, every need, in every way.
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But most of all, Lord, thank You for letting me feel Your presence. I know that what I feel is from Your Holy Spirit touching my spirit. I know we do not live by depending on feelings but it is comforting beyond words to just have that sense that You are right here with me. I have no words to say how much I appreciate that and how much I love You, Lord. You are such a good, good Father, such a loving Friend, such a kind, loving Helper and Comforter.
Thank You for letting me know that You understand the thoughts of my heart, that You know every word in my mind before I even say it (Psalm 44:12). That is so comforting to know.
And thank You again for Your Word and how You explained that Your Word truly is living and active, that it judges the thoughts of my heart, showing me what is truth and what is not. Thank You that Your Word gets right down into my spirit, that it separates my soul from my spirit (Hebrews 4:12).
Thank You, that although my soul may feel such sorrow and pain and hopelessness and sadness, that my spirit is experiencing Your presence and Your very life and Your very joy. And that the Word shows me that blessed truth as I feed on Your Word.
Your Word shows me–it evaluates and renders an opinion just like a judge in a courtroom–that my thoughts and intents toward You are good for I see that my thoughts and attitude reflects those of David and other writers of the psalms whom You commended. Thank You so very much, Father, for all those psalms, all 150 of them. They show Your man David and other psalmists pouring out their totally human heart to You. That shows me it is good for me to do the same.
Your wonderful psalms. The psalms put my heart at rest when I feel bad that I cannot be happier right now, that I do sometimes feel doubt before I overcome it with faith. Thank You that Your Word shows me that You, You Yourself Father, Maker of heaven and earth, You are and You will ever be my strength. You will be whatever I need, in every situation, for all my life. You, oh Lord, are the great I AM, as You told Moses (Exodus 3:14) and as You said, Lord Jesus (John 14:6).
How I love that psalm that says You, Lord, are my strength and my impenetrable shield and that when I trust and confidently lean on You, I am helped and then my heart rejoices greatly and I can sing praises to You (Psalm 28:7)
How I love to remind myself all day long that when I trust, rely and confidently lean on You I am compassed about with mercy and loving kindness (Psalm 32:10b, AMPC)
What a comfort to play over and over in my mind those verses in Psalm 33 where You say that Your eye is on those who fear You, who revere and worship You with awe, who wait for You and hope in Your mercy and loving kindness, that You are watching to deliver them from death and famine. I love how it ends with “Our inner selves wait earnestly for You, Lord, that You are our help and our shield and that we rejoice in You because we have trusted, relied on and been confident in Your holy name (Psalm 32:18-22, AMPC, emphasis added).
So, my precious, precious Heavenly Father, I do say, by Your grace, “let Your mercy and loving kindness be upon me in accordance, in proportion, to my waiting and hoping in You” (Psalm 33:22, AMPC). I love You, Lord, I just really love You.
7 Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7, AMPC, emphasis added)
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