Category Archives: GRATITUDE

My Mother’s Ironing Board

ENCOURAGEMENT, FAMILY, GRATITUDE, HARD TIMES

The iorning board, with its pale green cover, stands in a corner of my bedroom and every time I look at it, it speaks of how much love empowered the hours of hard manual labor Mom invested in caring for her family.  I also smile, because that work strengthened her hands so much that she rarely had to ask Daddy to open jars for her.

She covered the ironing board for me decades ago now, decades before her strokes began the long, slow decline that has now ended with her enjoying the fruit of her righteous life in heaven now.  She made the ironing board cover more than 40 years ago, when I was privileged to be a a stay-at-home for three tender years.

Having ironed and sewn since her own childhood, she knew the value of a good ironing board cover.  I remember her showing me each step, so I could do it myself, little knowing the one she was making would last my lifetime and beyond.

She cut a thick towel a bit bigger than that distinctive rectangular shape, then covered it with a sheet double-folded.  Starting at one end, she secured all the layers snugly from underneath with about two dozen safety pins, then basted the top in place, carefully inserting the needle through each hole.  Next, she attached the ironing board cover springs, which I don’t think you can even find anymore!

It was during this last step that I remember seeing her hands strain and the tendons stand out.  I noticed, yet again, that her wrists were thick and strong in comparison to her long delicate fingers.  Years of rubbing clothes on a washboard and wringing them out by hand as a young girl and helping with farm chores had begun strengthening those hands.

Then had come diapers on a washboard for the first of her three children (before they could afford a washer), not to mention lifting cast iron skillets every day, sweeping and mopping the entire house, and all the manual labor that homemaking was back in the 1950s and 60s.  Those strong hands and arms were necessary, just like the Proverbs 31 woman.

And I never once heard her complain.  She always described herself as a “homemaker”, not a housewife, and that is what she was and what she did.   Her eulogy, based on Proverbs 31, was easy to write because she had lived out so many examples.

I praise and honor her memory, with deep, deep gratitude.  When I see her on the other side of glory, I think I will spend about a thousand years or so, just hugging her and saying thank you – only then I will have the words to express how much I mean it and how deeply I now understand her unconditional love for her family.

Thank you, Lord, for two wonderful parents.  Show me how to use my words to inspire others to be the same for their own children.

He Molds the Soul. . . Sometimes in Darkness

CHRISTIAN VALUES, DEVOTIONALS, ENCOURAGEMENT, GRATITUDE

As a secretary for 20 plus years, I worked in uncounted offices, each one different.   One was, literally, a converted storage closet.  No windows and Lilliputian in dimensions, but it had four walls.  One office, two decades later, comprised an entire floor, with cubicles in the middle and old-school four-wall offices along the perimeter for supervisors.

Somewhere in the middle of this years, my desk was in a small reception area.  I was gatekeeper/executive secretary/gal Friday for two supervisors.  This office was deep inside a large facility – again, no windows but fortunately, a glass wall with a view to the large worker-bee area just outside.   In this office, I kept one pot of pothos.  The bright green leaves warmed the sterile office atmosphere and grew, even with only artificial light.

The little the pot lived on top of the filing cabinet.  When composing letters for my bosses, gazing up at it relaxed me and let me think.  Soon after moving in. however,  all the leaves turned their faces toward the middle of the office.  I rotated the pot, then watched its leaves time and again revert to the same slanted stance.

“Odd,” I thought.  “There is no sun, the entire place is well lit during the day and in virtual darkness all night.”

Late one evening, I headed out the door and switched off the lights. The bright red emergency light suspended from the ceiling two feet from the plant flashed on.  I knew the secret now. Each night, in the solitary night hours, the little plant strained its utmost toward the light made bright by the darkness.

Dearest Lord,

Please make my heart like that plant.  In our times of solitude each morning, mold me and incline my heart to You and Your ways only.  You are the only Light in this world.  You alone are our source and our salvation.   And when I stray from that way and You lovingly send darkness into my life, for a season, so I’ll lean toward You again, grant  the wisdom to do so quickly and gratefully.

For I know that You discipline those you love, that You are a jealous God, that Your love for us is greater than the height of the heavens above the earth, and that You want our hearts turned toward You for safety and to have sweet, sweet communion throughout the day.   Thank You for telling me in Your Word that You delight in hearing my prayers.  Please do whatever it takes to keep me close.  I love You, Lord!  Amen. 

“Taank yoooo”

CHRISTIAN VALUES, DEVOTIONALS, FAMILY, GRATITUDE

For the third time I straightened the tangled thermal blanket so that the cottony softness lay gently over my grandson’s face, all the way over his blonde head.  Then I tugged the blanket in around his tiny feet and spooned him in close for a soft squeeze and two mutual “hmmms.”

A soft “Taaank yooooo” came from under the aqua blanket. I gave him another soft squeeze and whispered.

“You’re welcome, baby.  Nana loves you.”

Finally, my two-year-old grandson settled down.  When my hand, stretching lightly across his little frog belly,  felt his breathing deepen, I uncovered just his face and then let myself relax. I might or might not be able to sleep but for sure I had some good prayer time available.  The little rascal slept better if someone was with him for at least the first hour of his afternoon nap at which point, he tossed and turned (yet again!) then settled again, his eyes never having opened.

Monday through Friday, I have the greatest possible privilege  – helping my daughter with my two- and four-year-old grandsons.  I get to see these tender years, and with two children!  I’ve always said the hardest thing I ever did in my life was putting Sharon in daycare at the age of 3, when the divorce happened.

I cherish each day with them, yes, even though they are both all-boy and quite the handful at times.  I learn so much from participating in their innocent joy and spontaneity.  Can anything compare with collecting acorns in a bucket, digging in the sandpile, or building playdough cats?

But the one lesson I absorb each day is how happy they seem to be, with so little, and how totally they give their love and acceptance.

Dear Father, thank You, again, for letting me walk through these precious years alongside my grandsons.  Help me be more like them in their contentment and unconditional love.  And help me remember that my every expression of gratitude to you touches Your  heart as much as Allen’s “taaaank yooo” touches mine. I love You, Lord!”

That Precious Deer

CHRISTIAN VALUES, DEVOTIONALS, GRATITUDE, TRUSTING GOD

I held my breath.  The little yearling dear, two feet away from the kitchen window, looked right into my eyes.  His gauntness accentuated the size of his liquid brown eyes, and in those long seconds I felt a love almost as deep as the first day I held my daughter in my arms.  I love animals, but I had never felt like I was looking soul to soul into one’s eyes like I did now.

His look was so trusting, so desperate, so pleading.  I had just spent the previous 30 minutes caring for the horses, weeping the entire time, looking down toward the fence every few minutes where the deer leaned against the wire and then laid down, too weak to move.  When I had gone inside he must have come up to the house.

He nibbled on flowers and licked the concrete where water had run off from watering the collection of flowers and plants in pots.   As I kept working in the kitchen, he again came and stood close to the window and stared, again, a very long time.  The tears flowed again and so did my prayers.

We were many miles outside Austin, where I help a retired lady care for her horses.  “Oh, dear Father, please do something for that little deer.  Either heal it or take it home or let someone come take away its pain and take it home to You, Lord.  Please, Lord, please, don’t let it suffer.  It is so innocent and so trusting and so fragile. I know You love animals, Father.  Your concern for them is all throughout Your Word.”

Two days ago, my employer had said it was surely dying and probably was diseased.  She said when does had new babies they often ran off the yearlings and this seemed to be the case.  I had seen a buck, a doe and three fawns the day before standing, framed like a painting by the morning mist, walking away from their night-time nibbling toward the cover of thick bushes and trees.

I think I will see that little yearling’s eyes for the rest of my life.  Later that day, much much later that day, when I had finally managed to fully trust God to take care of His precious little deer, I finally understood what God was saying.

If it crushed  my heart to see that little deer suffer, and to know that more suffering surely lay ahead for it, how unimaginably more had God hurt to see His Son Jesus suffer?  If I felt that little animal’s soul look into mine, what had God the Father felt when His Son looked at Him and pleaded, “My Father!  If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me.  Yet I want Your will to be done, not mine.” (Matthew 26:39b, NLT).  How did God feel when He watched His pure, innocent Son suffer and die so terrible a death – all that I might know Him?

How dare I ever forget this lesson?   How dare I ever neglect any chance I have to tell another suffering human soul of the great love our Heavenly Father has all His beloved humans, the crown of all His creation?

Unjealous Heart, Chap 2, Post 11

EFFECTS OF POVERTY, GRATITUDE, HARD TIMES, THRIFT, TRUSTING GOD

Operating in that small kitchen proved excellent training for not only Sharon but for me as well — even before my current emphasis on not complaining.  I found the experience fertile ground in which to grow the good fruit of patience, especially when preparing a meal.

We both liked simple foods, a fact which should have prevented having to spread ingredients all over the counter.  Like so many single parents, though, I leaned toward short-order cooking of two separate meals, one of traditional children’s foods and another with foods more appealing to my adult taste and adult need for lower calorie intake.  So the end result,  preparation-wise, was identical.  I may as well have been preparing an involved, complex meal.

Cooking a typical evening meal might begin with hauling out a bag of carrots, cutting board, knife, and scraper.  The carrots had to be done first, because their preparation took up the sink and two-thirds of the counter space.  With the carrots scraped and chopped and back in the refrigerator to chill in their yellow plastic container (a former economy-size margarine container), I cleaned the counter, cutting board, and sink. Next, I hauled out ground beef, salt and pepper, eggs, milk, and bread to mix up hamburger patties.  There was not one inch to spare, and quite a few inches too few, by the time all that was sitting on the  miniature counter.

I used the ever-faithful, ever-useful large mixing bowl to mix the patties.  With two hamburgers sizzling in the frying pan, I packaged up the rest of the patties in aluminum foil, put them in the freezer, cleaned the counter, and started a can of green beans heating on the back burner.  Next, I took the cookie sheets and broiling rack out of the oven, put them on the floor by the card table, a further impingement on floor space, then arranged tater tots on a small pan and put them into the oven to heat.

I tried hard to see the humor in all the necessarily careful planning and timing and patient rearranging of bowls, food, pots, and pans.  At times, though, like tonight, the best I could manage was a caricature of a grin, a resigned slow shaking of my head, and a tight-lipped silence as I fought hard not to complain out loud.

“It’s so unfair,” I thought as I turned the burgers over and put the ketchup squirter and mustard bottle on the table.

“The Wexels and people like them have so much and we have so little and…”

As I closed the refrigerator door I saw the words, written in red, I had taped above Sharon’s first grade picture and her latest example of penmanship.  “Be patient with difficult circumstances.”

I smiled, not much, but a little, and with that, the tension began to ease.  I shook my head and laughed, this time a real laugh, as I turned down the heat under the burgers.

“If I hurry,” I thought, “I can get one of our special cheesecakes in the refrigerator before Sharon finishes her shower.”

What I mean by “God helped me”

CHRISTIAN VALUES, ENCOURAGEMENT, GRATITUDE, TRUSTING GOD

When I was a new Christ follower, so many  years ago, I often wondered what some of the Christianese I heard meant.  People said things like, “God told me” or “the Holy Spirit really came down last Sunday in service”.   And, even though it’s been more than three decades, I am still not sure sometimes when people use certain phrases.  So, I quite often just ask.

I want to explain what I mean when I say “God helped me” with this website and with http://www.unjealousheart.com

As the Bible commands, I tithe (which means to give  ten percent of your gross income to God).   I also give other offerings beyond the tithe, and I give to the poor.  (I am saying that NOT to brag but to explain what the Bible says do with our money – because it is ALL God’s money anyway!)

I honestly do not remember if it was my idea or I heard it from someone else, but I also tithe my time when I am working on the writing.  How do you tithe time?

Well, for every sixty minutes I have to spend working, I pray six minutes out of those sixty minutes.   No, I am not “legalistic” in that I keep track to the second – because occasionally while I am praying I get such a great idea (that I know comes from God, not my own intelligence for sure!) that I stop and begin working on it.

Technology and learning new software are particularly difficult for me. I have the typical dreamy artist disposition and technical details frustrate me.  I just want to write!!!!  So it has been a huge education in patience and trust for me to tackle making two websites as well as everything else that writers have to do in this new world of publishing.

But, I prayed every time I sat down at my computer, and God has done miracle after miracle for me.  No, I don’t mean He supernaturally moved the computer keys or anything like that.  What I mean is I would google how to do something, then painstakingly follow the steps and, almost every time, it worked!  Surprise, surprise to me!

I also was blessed to have the good sense to call for help from the Godaddy and Aweber support teams, both of which are prompt, professional and friendly.

This is also the same way God “helped” me get through grad school.  How loving and faithful He is!  He gives us dreams and then helps make them reality as – or in proportion to how much – we trust Him.

Bless you, dear readers, and dare to trust God to help you with things you fear you cannot do.  He delights in helping His children!    As Paul tells us in II Corinthians 12:9 ,  God says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

May we say with Paul, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

The God of Angel Armies is by My Side!

DEVOTIONALS, ENCOURAGEMENT, GRATITUDE, HARD TIMES

So much to do – working on the website and everything connected thereto.  It takes me hours. How I wish I could just pay someone else!  Then there is writing posts for this blog, doing a fresh entry for the unjealousheart.com website, helping each day with my grandsons, maintaining my  relationship with God as top priority (which is really first in line), and then the unceasing demands of daily living – exercise for my back, groceries, errands, laundry, paying bills, cooking, cleaning  – and somehow getting adequate sleep so I can think clearly.

Dear dear Father, only You can enable me to get all this done, but I know You will.  I do not have the strength of youth, like I did during those blessed years when Sharon was home and I stayed up late and got up early to write.   Proverbs 3:5-6 is just as true today as it was  20 years ago.  I know that!  

And though, externally, my standard of living is about the same, it is infinitely richer, deeper, and satisfying. I know You better, and I trust You more.  I automatically treasure the unseen things – giggles from my youngest grandson, surprising wisdom from my older one, spontaneous hugs from both of them, and the relief on my daughter’s face when I walk in the door each morning to delighted cries of “Nana!  Nana’s here!”

Only rarely do I feel the poison of jealousy and envy now, like I did so many years ago when I wrote “Unjealous Heart”.  When I do feel envy, I confess and squash it immediately by counting my blessings and focusing on what I can do for those in my path at the moment.  And the same with fear and self-doubt.   The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, “the God of angel armies” is by my side.  Whom shall I fear, as Chris Tomlin sings. http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WDZYYWNX

God has promised to guide my steps as – or in proportion to how much – I trust in Him with all my heart.  I’m glad it’s too confusing to figure tjhis all out for myself because it makes me lean closer to Him.

“I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the       wicked.”  (Psalms 84:10, NIV)

Yes, Lord, I would rather live close to You and be poor than have “riches untold”. You alone can satisfy!  You alone care for my soul and have a unique plan for my life and You are – still –  working all things out for my good! Thank you, Jesus!

Grateful in the Face of Setbacks

DEVOTIONALS, GRATITUDE, HARD TIMES, TRUSTING GOD

I knew something was up as soon as I saw the envelope addressed to me in my own handwriting.I held it up to the fading sunlight and saw the postcard, a form rejection notice from a prospective publisher for my children’s book.

“Thank You, Father, that You put it in my heart to gather a list of possible publishers when I first sent this off.  It will go right back out, tomorrow, to the next one on the list.”

The full day had brought on fatigue.  I was up at 5 a.m. to write, then to my daughter’s to pick up my four year old grandson at 8:00, then to three stores for quick errands, then to the gym where he had exposure to other kids in a daycare setting while I did the grueling workout necessary to keep the weight at least stable, then my daughter’s home again, in time for Mom to wipe him down and put him in a fresh shirt for nap, then an hour and a half alone time with my two-year old grandson and, finally, one blissful hour of lying down for a nap, snuggling with the pure sweetness and innocence that is a sleeping toddler.

When I got up, a voice mail from my veterinarian said to take my panicky Tonkinese back in for one more ear packing.  Each visit traumatized Barny so much he hid for an entire day in the closet.

“Thank You, so very much, dear Father, for sending another Tonkinese, the only mink one listed with the Texas Tonkinese Rescue program.  He could be my beloved Thellie’s twin.  And thank You for sending him several months before Mom passed.  Cuddling him is such a comfort when the tears come.  Thank You for an understanding veterinarian and her staff.  Thank You that he is healthy.”

“Thank you, Father, for the privilege of writing this blog, showing my spiritual failures and all.  Please help it help others.”

Though it was 33 years ago, I remembered precious early evening times with Sharon.  In fall and winter, we got home just before dusk fell.  We talked about the evening news while I cooked and then as we ate dinner at our card table in the tiny kitchen.  Twilight, I guess, will always be my favorite time of day for that cherished reason.

Thank You for teaching me then to be grateful for all things, even in the midst of setbacks and hard times, no, especially in those times.   You keep my attitude healthy and keep me close to You.  Thank You for training me to be aware of complaining.  Please continue reminding me to take time to thank You for blessings as countless as the stars in the velvet sky.  You’ve truly showered blessings  over me and Sharon and  her family.  I love You, Lord. . . so much!!”

Say “Thank You” . . . while you can

DEVOTIONALS, FAMILY, GRATITUDE

A man who was my mentor, a good friend, and my boss for seven years passed away this week.  I sent a  card, but I desperately wish I had called to tell him thank you, one more time.  He was an important influence in my life and was the reason I chose to pursue a Ph.D. in Educational Research and Measurement.

He was my first professor  in graduate school, and he helped me see statistics was not so hard after all, which was a game-changer for me.   He was in charge of the department with which I did some contract work after graduation before eventually being hired full-time.

I looked at  the beautiful video of his obituary through tears.  I saw photos of him as a young boy, teenager, new husband, new father, then pictures of times with his wife and their two girls as the girls grew up, got married, and had children of their own.  There were so many touching photos of him with his grandchildren, and the joy on his face was so very evident.

The video began and ended with scenes of the ocean, gentle waves washing into the shoreline, then receding back to their source.  He had loved the water, and lived near it, all his life.  The last photo was a shot of him standing on the balcony of his home on the water, waving.

I had told him thank you many times during the years he was my professor and then my boss.  But I so wish I had taken just five minutes out of my busy days to say thank you and to remind him of how much he had shaped my professional life.

What a lesson for me – to grab each chance to express appreciation and love to those around me.  Life, as the Bible says, is indeed like a mist that vanishes in an instant.  Our days on this earth are so short.

Dear Father,

Please help me to give more of my time and my heart to showing love to others.  Help me seize each opportunity to express the love You put into my heart for other people, whether they are in good health or not.  Forgive me for not reaching out one more time to say thank you to my mentor and friend.  Comfort his family and his other friends and colleagues, and turn their thoughts toward eternity.  I love you Jesus.  Amen.

“It is Well with My Soul”. . . that (sometimes elusive) attitude of gratitude

DEVOTIONALS, GRATITUDE, HARD TIMES, TRUSTING GOD

Most days, I feel upbeat and find pleasure in so many, many  things throughout the day.   BUT. . . some mornings, even before coffee and devotions, my thoughts turn to finances, little physical challenges that come with age, frustrations of getting both websites to work right, yada yada yada. . . blah, blah. blah.   So go the attacks of the enemy of our souls!

Literally counting my blessings never fails.  I set my heart to be grateful, to trust God, and be consciously aware that God:

  • is in control of each moment of my life,
  • He planned every day of my little life since before time began,
  • His love for me, personally, is “as high as the heavens are above the earth”, and
  • He has “separated my sins from me as far as east is from west” (see Psalm 103, New International Version)

If I just begin that process,

  • I get my attitude of gratitude back,
  • I remember that worry shows I am trying to control the future rather than trusting God,
  • His peace settles in like a soothing, gentle rain as I focus my thoughts on how powerful and loving and forgiving and kind and patient and gracious and long-suffering He is with all of us.

So often, the melody and words of that cherished hymn “It is Well with My Soul” then float into my heart.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Chorus:  It is well. . .  with my soul. . . it is well, it is well, with my soul.

(Broadman Hymnal, 1940, page 73)

Even if you, for whatever reason, have never sung the old hymns of the church I urge you to get a copy of the Broadman hymnal (available on Amazon) and just read the verses of this and other hymns.

To hear the unbelievable but true story behind “It is Well with My Soul”,  see this link https://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=mcafee&type=C211US0D20140807&p=story+of+it+is+well+hymn

Dear Father in heaven,

Please help me keep my focus on You and Your love.  Help me share Your love with others, that they may know Your marvelous love for them individually.  Help me explain Your desire and Your power to comfort and restore broken lives, no matter how deep the tragedy or loss.  Amen.