Fretting is forgetting, eyes off what He has done—
the victories He has given, the battles He has won.
My peace is in the knowing, eyes fixed on Him not me—
heart pondering His power.
In trusting, I am free.
A personal note. My dear friend, I am sharing how I have stumbled and how God put me back on the right path. My prayer is that it encourages you to receive more of God’s goodness and grace and to better understand His deep, abiding passion for all of us.
Since God healed deep depression and fear, I have stayed in victory for many months. However, deep emotional struggles tangled up the last few days, and feelings have gradually worsened for weeks. One morning, I reviewed the past month, searching for what had gone wrong. A month ago when reviewing the nearly complete manuscript about overcoming depression, I had been living daily life consciously with God, being productive, and free from thoughts, feelings and reactions caused by depression and fear. And I was writing almost daily, my work for God and my joy.
I moved away, not God. So, on that first truly cold day here in Austin, I sat in the rocker with the window cracked two inches, relishing the truly cold air and the predawn darkness outside the window, re-reading my journaling notes back to when I had felt so close to God and joyful and excited about each day. I have heard, more than once, that when you feel distant from God, it is you who moved, not God. So, I knew that because I no longer felt close to God meant that I had moved away, not Him.
So, I prayed and began taking notes as I reviewed the month.
Fretting is forgetting, eyes off what He has done. I had by grace been walking in the light (Psalm 56:13), BUT when several physical problems intensified simultaneously (asthma, feet issues, joints, heart concerns, etc.) I spent precious time and energy doing the best I could with each problem, which included prayer, going to doctors, refining my diet, adding more stretches and exercise as well as rest, etc. That was where my eyes turned off God and toward the problems, thus, toward darkness.
The path of fretting leads to darkness. Although I know better, I began fretting, focusing on problems, rather than God’s promises. We can focus on only one thing, so in turning my focus away from light, and toward my problems, I was heading toward the darkness with its deadly snares of discouragement, fear, and despair. And I kept on in that direction, unaware that my pathway was growing darker, my vision growing dimmer. God lovingly warns us in Psalm 37:8 b: “. . . Do not fret– it leads only to evil.” (NIV)
The victories He has given, the battles He has won. Even though the book I was finishing described the many victories God had given over depression, I was not thinking about them myself and thanking God for them afresh, which would have kept my attention on God’s power and my heart filled with light.
Without God’s power and victories in mind, we often start thinking our current situation is impossible. We begin losing hope and subconsciously begin doubting God and His power and His love for us. Eventually we can even start to doubt His goodness and fall for the same lie Satan told Eve in Genesis 3:4-5. Satan told Eve that God was withholding good from her and Adam, that He was not giving them the best. Those kinds of evil thoughts can flow subconsciously, in our hearts, beyond our awareness because, as Jeremiah 17:9 cautions, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, NIV)
Psalm 105 to 107: the wisdom of often remembering what God has done. Psalm 105, 106, and 107 clearly tell us it is wise to consciously, intentionally recall what God has done. These three psalms show the wisdom of regularly observing and heeding the Lord’s “goodness and loving-kindness and His wonderful works to the children of men.” The key idea that links these psalms is Psalm 107:43:
“Whoso is wise [if there be any truly wise] will observe and heed these things; and they will diligently consider the mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord. (AMPC).”
“These things” are God’s goodness and loving-kindness and “His wonderful works for the children of men”, some of which are recounted in Psalm 105 and 106.
Psalm 105 opens with “O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon His name; make known His deeds among the people” (KJV) Verses 1 through 5 tell us five things to do: thank the Lord, sing to Him, glory in His holy name, look to Him and His strength, and remember “the wonders He has done.” In the rest of Psalm 105 God reminds Israel, and us, of how faithful He was to them, beginning with Abraham all the way through their history to when He gave them the promised land in order that “they might observe His statutes and keep His laws (hearing, receiving, loving and obeying them].” (AMPC) In other words, He created a people of His own and put them in the wonderful land He had prepared so that they could love and follow Him. He does the same thing when He matures us, taking us on a journey to a position of right-standing with Him, so that we can enjoy the fulfillment of His promises.
Psalm 106 starts with praise for God and His merciful doings and then confesses that “our fathers in Egypt understood not nor appreciated your miracles; they did not [earnestly] remember the multitude of Your mercies, nor imprint Your loving-kindness [on their hearts], but they were rebellious and provoked the Lord at the sea, even at the Red Sea (v. 7, AMPC) Then we read that “nevertheless, He saved them for His name’s sake [to prove the righteousness of the divine character], that He might make His mighty power to be known.” And we read how He saved them over and over when they kept rebelling all throughout their wilderness journey. Read for yourself and see how merciful God was with them, “nevertheless” hearing their cry and how
“He [earnestly] remembered for their sake His covenant, and relented their sentence of evil—according to the abundance of His mercy and loving-kindness [when they cried out to Him]” v. 45, AMPC)
They forgot what God had done and turned away over and over and over but every time God rescued them when they called out to Him.
Psalm 107. Then read Psalm 107, which opens with “O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever.” (AMPC). Notice that the idea of thanking the Lord for his goodness and mercy and loving-kindness is repeated four times as a lament, in verses 8, 15, 21, and 31. The psalmist is deeply grieved that people are not doing that. He laments –“Oh, that men would praise [and confess to] the Lord His goodness and loving-kindness, and His wonderful works to the children of men!” Psalm 107 concludes with verse 43, which tells us it is truly wise to “observe and heed these things” and “diligently consider the mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord.”
God is clearly telling us what to do—we are to “Give thanks to the LORD because He is good. His love endures forever.” (Psalm 107:1, 136:1, NIV) And, as with all that He does, it is for our good. Selah and selah and selah, oh my soul!
Besides Psalm 107, another psalm, Psalm 136, also opens with “O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever.” The phrase “His mercy and loving-kindness endures forever” is repeated in all 26 verses of Psalm 136, after statements about His great wonders from the time of creation to His current bountiful provision for Israel. God wants us to remember that “His love endures forever” (NIV)
So, dear friend, I lament . . . If only I had remembered to remember His countless gifts to me personally and His eternal loving nature, I would have recalled the battles He had fought for me and the victories we had won as He trained me to keep myself calm in times of adversity (Psalm 94:13). I would not have kept fretting about my problems and looking to my own strength. I could have stayed out of the snares of discouragement and despair that bound me up in self-focus.
My peace is in the knowing, eyes fixed on Him not me. In hindsight, I can see where I failed in my part of the blessed promise in Isaiah 26:3
“ You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.” (AMPC)
My heart remained committed to Him but I was leaning on my own understanding–my mind not fixed on Him– as I tried to figure out solutions to the problems. I was trapped in the snare of fretting and worry because it made me feel in control. I had stopped hoping confidently in God. How the enemy must love it when he manages to steal our hope and our conscious confidence in God!
. . . heart pondering His power. . . in trusting, I am free. When my mind is on God, either through talking with Him or pondering on His Word, I am free from hurt from the world, my flesh, and the devil. Keeping my mind on God and the truths of His Word keeps me trusting, believing, and waiting with confident expectation.
There is a deep mystery and connection for me between the words trust, faith, hope, confidence and expectation and what it produces in the life of God’s believing children. I see a faint glimmer of how it works. It is cause and effect, like the links of a chain. I believe the mechanism of its operation, the way it works, is summarized in “We live by faith, not by sight.” or as I heard paraphrased recently, “We live by believing not by seeing.”
To me, that means we have to reach out, into the unseen and eternal spiritual realm (2 Corinthians 4:18) and when we do, our faith (which is trust, hope, and belief) is doing our part and then God responds. I know our faith pleases God, because He says we have to believe in Him and have to believe that He will reward our diligent seeking of Him.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” (Hebrews 11:6, NIV)
The way of faith in Psalm 91. In Psalm 91, I see this same cause and effect between our faith and the rewards of being consciously aware of God’s presence, which includes peace.
When I do my part and dwell in the secret place of the Most High (verse 1) and
When I say the Lord “. . . is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Hm I lean and rely and in him, I [confidently] trust!
THEN He delivers me from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.
THEN He will cover me with His pinions,
and while I am there, under the covering of His wings—and His wings are spread over me, covering me, BECAUSEI reached out in faith to Him—I shall (which means definitely) be enabled to trust and find the refuge I seek.
And His truth and faithfulness will THEN be my shield and my protection.
This Is the main idea of the poem that started this writing, this idea that when I remember what God has done, I can put my faith—my active, reaching out trust—in Him. THEN, in the act of trusting itself, I am at peace.
Like firmly embedded nails, during my emotional stumbling, our loving Shepherd has deeply rooted more of His wisdom about trusting into my heart (Ecclesiastes 12:11). And I am grateful.
His discipline is so, so loving. The depth of God’s love—the little we can understand of its fathomless depths—is astounding. “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness” (Hebrews 12:10b, NIV). I get a small understanding of this when I recall a story I heard long ago. As a woman tearfully watched her young son, who had a pronounced limp, struggle to get his tricycle up the stairs and onto the porch, her friend asked why she did not help. The loving mother replied, “If I help him now, he will never learn to do things for himself.”
Think about how much God loves us, but also consider His wisdom. He knows we have to learn basic disciplines of the Christian faith, that we must remain faithful to His teachings (John 8:31), that we must keep growing and developing (2 Peter 1:3-10) and pressing on toward maturity (Philippians 3:12-21). So, God lovingly sends circumstances that force us to grow. He lovingly prunes us (John 15:2) so we will bear even more fruit. And He trains us to cleanse ourselves from ignoble purposes, so that we may be “instruments for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work” (2 Timothy 2:20-21)
When I am in painful struggles, I may wonder, at least subconsciously, as perhaps that precious little boy did, why God does not remove the problem when it would be so easy for Him to do so. But, I can choose, by faith, to remember that God is working for my good, in all things (Romans 8:28). I can also choose to say I am blessed because “Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You discipline and instruct, Lord, and teach out of Your law, that (emphasis added) You may give him power to keep himself calm in the days of adversity, until the [inevitable] pit of corruption is dug for the wicked. “Psalm 94:12-13, AMPC)
The blessings of this trial – a renewed heart and renewed commitment. God used this latest turbulent time, of my own making, to show I needed a specific plan to keep walking in victory and to stay out of the pit of depression and fear. By His grace, I had developed some excellent spiritual disciplines during that season of intense healing, but I needed some “insurance” that I would maintain those disciplines as well as some other habits that guard against discouragement and depression. Failing in some of these areas is, I believe, what opened the door to discouragement this last time. So, I am confessing and repenting of those sins, as I have already done with a close friend, knowing He will cleanse me from them. (“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9, NASB).
I believe God clearly showed me the need for a specific plan to stay out of the pit. I am earnest about this agreement with God, but I am not calling it a vow. Failing to keep vows is sin. It is disrespectful to God and foolish. We are to stand in awe of God in all things. Regarding vows, He tells us clearly:
“When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. 6Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? 7Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore, fear God. (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7, NIV).
Staying in His presence, feasting on His Word, serving Him with love. I am setting my heart to be as careful as I can in maintaining the spiritual habits I personally need as well as certain other habits. I am recommitting to love the Lord in this way with “all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5). My plan is to:
- Maintain the daily devotional times of Bible study and prayer He has shown are needed for me personally,
- The best I can to either talk with God or be meditating on the Word, (Psalm 1), all day, from rising up to lying down, and
- Do whatever my hand finds to do with all my might and to do it willingly, as for the Lord (Ecclesiastes 9:10, Colossians 3:23).
Confident joy! We can be confident that God is with us when we seek to follow Him more closely, and that He will help us and give us strength. He says in Isaiah 48:10
“Fear not, [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.” (AMPC)
We can also be confident because we know that growing in Him is in accordance with His will.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.” (I John 5:14-15, NIV)
How blessed we are that God shows us clearly how to live, patiently teaching over and over what we need to know, whether our walk with Him has been long or short! How blessed we are that His presence fills us with joy and the promise of eternal pleasures with Him!
“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. “(Psalm 16:11, NIV)
Selah, and selah, and selah, oh my soul!