When we need a refuge. A woman in gray sweatpants stood, talking with another in skinny jeans and a green hoodie. Next to the orange pole bearing the sign “First Grade – Ms. Jones” stood two women and one man. Small children, siblings of the ones being waited for, ran circles around the twenty or so standing adults. I sat on the bench under the big oak, with another grandmother.

Then I saw him, walking toward me, head down, bravely struggling with tears. I opened my arms. Without pausing to meet my eyes, he burrowed his head hard into my chest. I closed my arms, entirely encircling him, and gently squeezed, then rocked a little back and forth. I just held him a few long moments, knowing he needed comfort, whether there was a justifiable reason for the tears or whether it was just an endofthedayimtiredmelt-down, typical for first graders.

As I held him and rubbed his back, he kept pressing his head against my chest, seeking safety and comfort and love, shutting out the troubles in his little world.
“Just like I do with You, Lord,” I reflected.

The if/then nature of promises. These last few months, in my pursuit of closer closeness with our loving heavenly Father, I regularly sought the comfort, reassurance, and safety of the many truths in Psalm 91. I printed the entire psalm and marked up the two pages like I did in school, with a textbook. I used the Amplified version, because it includes more of the connecting words, like then, for, and because, than some other versions.

Through coming to the point where I could do nothing but depend on God alone, I have thoroughly learned that everything we receive from God is by His grace alone, not our effort. But, in searching for Him in that desperation, I also learned that we obtain the fruit of His promises when we do our part. There is a cause and effect. An if/then is involved.

For instance, Isaiah 26:3 says “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You.” That tells me that God will keep me in peace if I keep my mind fixed steadfastly on Him and He does that because I trust in Him.

Regarding the promises in Psalm 91, if I want to remain stable under the care of God, if I want to know God as my Refuge and my Fortress, and to have Him rescue me when I have fallen into the snare of, for example, self-pity, I must do my part. Look at the links (underlined) in the first four verses of Psalm 91.

1. He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].
2. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!
3. For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. [Then}
4. He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler. [Then] . . .

In other words:
IF I dwell in the secret place,
IF I say … , lean … , rely… and confidently trust —
THEN God will deliver me,
THEN He will cover me, and I will be able to trust and find refuge.

When you cannot feel the trust . . . yet. The sequence of thoughts in verses 1 through 4 helped me tremendously but what helped most was verse 4. Verse 4 says to me that, once He has covered me with His pinions–which is after I have “said . . . , leaned. . . , relied . . . and trusted”—once He covers me with His pinions, once I am under the shadow of His wide-spread wings, I am able to trust and find refuge. In the first three verses, I trust the best I can, then God responds by covering me and helping me trust so that my soul, my feelings, indeed find refuge.

Someone once related trust to sitting in a chair. I can say I trust the chair to hold me up, but I prove my trust when I actually sit. I can say I trust the Lord but I prove it when, for example, I choose to read my Bible and sing to the Lord when feeling anxious rather than always calling someone. I can say I trust God for finances, but I prove it when I pay God’s tithe to my local church.

Knowledge of His faithfulness helps me trust Him. My darling grandson trusted me, as soon as he saw me today, because I have comforted him numerous times before. His little heart was enabled to trust with all its strength and so find refuge, in the shelter of my arms, as he leaned into me.

If my human love for my grandson is so powerful, how much more will the love of the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe do for us, beloved? Let us run into His loving arms and cast all our cares and fears and worries on Him and trust Him, because He cares so much more than we know for each of us. (I Peter 5:7)